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>> who died a death << [16 Jan 2004|04:04pm] [ mood | melancholy ] I died a death but stayed alive In phantom's likeness I survive Alive, yet dead, I walk alone In rooms with walls as cold as stone I lived a life & dreamed a dream & loved the life you lived with me Then in the whisper of a breath You left, & then I died a death Though dead I live, I cannot part From love that lives within my heart Within my sorrow I must strive To keep my hope & faith alive For all the love that I would give I surely would prefer to live To be content; not to survive But feel my spirit come alive You slowly took your final breath 'Twas me; my dear, who died a death 4 so called friends| comment

>> i'd kill myself in front of you << [10 Jan 2004|02:50pm] [ mood | disappointed ] I cannot laugh without a sigh I cannot speak without a lie Endless moaning in the night Warns of pain or just delight Misuse myself in front of you Just to get your pitty, too Just to get your pitty true I'd kill myself in front of you He who comes in the hour of need Has been to late, lack of speed I never cared about these things They're meaningless in all it's sence I'm just happy I can say Come what may at the end of the day 4 so called friends| comment

[[we only love what we can see]] [10 Jan 2004|02:48pm] [ mood | sad ] The smallest one among the stars which can't be seen from earth or mars har lost it's power, this is true and can't be seen by me or you. But we don't care about a star which can't be spotted from a far We only love what we can see and that's what's killing you and me. comment

>> done for the night << [08 Jan 2004|10:20pm] [ mood | bitchy ] You reach out for a hand But there's nothing to hold. You follow the rainbow But you still find no gold. You reach for a hug But get no embrace. You hope for a kiss But feel the wind upon your face. You look around But no one is there. Everyone left because, nobody cares. You start to feel alone And fall upon your knees. You look in the crowd But still no one sees. You glance on the ground And see your heart on the floor. You have only yourself to blame to blame Because you let them in the door. Everything's happening, With love and your friends But this is what happens When everything ends. Life has no meaning, No meaning at all, Because all of your feelings Are beginning to fall. You tell a few people, And some just stare. But deep down inside You know nobody cares. comment

[08 Jan 2004|10:15pm] [ mood | lonely ] Upside down, Looking all around. Can't see straight, Feeling lost and never found. Spinning out of control, Not sure what to do, Not sure where to go. Thought I had things fixed. Thought I knew what to do, but now thoughts, Unsure feelings mixed. The positivity, the hope All turning upside down. Depressed again. Not able to cope. These feelings of pain, Overwhelming. Feeling out of control, insane. During all this I can't help but wonder about Going through it all again. And this time will I make it out? comment

poetry journal; don't like.. don't read. [08 Jan 2004|09:56pm] [ mood | productive ] You found it a game to watch my pain, Did you pause and think of the scars on my soul? My heart was bruised, torn and used, Yet I followed you blindly into a blackening hole. Love to me was a feeling new and pure, Emotions unknown consumed my whole heart You took my love and made it your whore, Dissected my spirit and ripped it apart I could see what you were doing to me, And I hid my eyes, willed myself to be blind. It was true that I was afraid to be free, You pulled my soul too fiercely then left me behind. I loved you for the attention you gave, I loved so completely, with all of my power. But I can't stay confined in this lonely cave, I will break from your clutch, I will no longer cower. The darkness still rips silently and cruelly within. It consumes and it corrodes, crawling through this skin. I've fabricated my life with lies, creating your love. Something that never existed. A Blackened, broken dove. Love clawed all truth from my blinded eyes. Now I can see and now I despise. Hate seethes inside and will never again be contained. I give myself to the loathing that courses in these veins. comment

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